How Deep is Your Love

In the spring of 1997, I was 30 years-old and approaching the third anniversary of marriage to my best friend and soul mate, Michelle. After a long winter, we felt the sudden need to get away from the cold. So we spontaneously booked a last-minute vacation to Cancun, Mexico. Even though we knew it would be flooded with partying college students on spring break, that wouldn’t be a problem for us. We were still young. We’d fit right in…

A Wild Start

Reminiscent of our very first trip together – a week in Mazatlán four years earlier – the first stop we made was the ultimate Mexican destination: Senor Frogs. As usual, the place was rocking, even though it was still early in the evening. Lights flashed everywhere and sirens and whistles competed with the thumping bass of the club music playing at maximum volume. It was perfect. We immersed ourselves right into the craziness of the scene and yelled our traditional order to the waitress – chips and salsa, with two margaritas. A few minutes later, sitting before each of us was a giant margarita in a souvenir plastic “yard” glass, with an extra long straw designed specifically to accelerate consumption. We smiled at each other and made a toast, celebrating our brilliant decision to get away.

 
Less than an hour after our arrival at Senor Frogs, the wild club scene was suddenly no longer any fun. Was the fatigue from a full day of travel finally setting in? Were the giant maximum-strength margaritas too much for the small basket of chips and salsa to absorb? We chalked it up to a little of both and called it an early night. Surely we would be ready for more fun after a good night’s sleep.

The last thing that would have crossed our minds was the truth – that this type of action was no longer our thing.

We’re Good

We slept in the following day and woke up feeling refreshed, ready for more fun and adventure. After a quick trip to the local market, the kitchen in our condo was fully stocked with all the basics – bottled water, Pop-Tarts, Cheetos, and a 12-pack of Corona with a fresh lime. Motivated by an adventurous spirit, I also made the impulse purchase of a Cuban cigar, something I’d never tried before. I quickly developed an ideal vision for myself – waist deep in the clear, warm Caribbean Sea with a cigar in one hand and a Corona in the other.

An hour later, my vision was a reality. While the surf near our part of the beach was quite treacherous, there was a small cove nearby that had been naturally carved out of rock. Its shelter perfectly transformed the thunderous break of the waves…into a pleasant and tranquil surge that gently broke onto the powdery sand of its small beach. My Sweetie sat nearby on the shore, smiling my way, grateful to see my well executed plan reach its fruition. I was in heaven. It’s a vision I’ll never forget.

 
Unfortunately, the beauty of the experience wasn’t the only reason that scene is so memorable for me.

About twenty minutes into my little adventure, I had the sensation that the waves were suddenly breaking a little more forcefully. I was no longer able to stand my ground. I slowly fought my way out of the threatening surf, on a quest for the stability of solid ground.

Finally there, I was distraught to find that dry land was also playing games. And the horizon didn’t seem to be holding steady either. I found a shady spot to sit down to try and reestablish my equilibrium.

Pretty much the next thing I remember was waking up on the bathroom floor of our condo. What happened? I felt horrible. I stumbled into bed and fell immediately back to sleep.

Fortunately, I woke up two hours later feeling just fine…but HUNGRY! That was my first – and last – Cuban cigar.

Time to Slow Things Down

The next few days were much more on the quiet side. We made no attempt at resuming the “vida loca” from the first couple days of our trip. We relaxed by the pool at our condo, reading (I clearly recall finishing “The Bridges of Madison County” while immersed at the edge of our pool with a rum and coke), and we played Yahtzee or card games on the breakfast bar of our kitchen in the evening. Probably the most exciting thing we encountered was a screaming gecko hiding behind the artwork on one of our walls. After many attempts of “encouraging” it toward the open patio door, it eventually scurried out on its own, via the larger-than-appropriate crack under our front door.

 
A Discovery

The very last night of our vacation we decided on a special dinner out. Our ultimate choice was a place called Captain’s Cove, which sat right over the water on the bay side of the island. Not only did we splurge on dinner, we even went all-out by taking a private cab (instead of our usual transportation – the bus) to the restaurant, which was several miles away.

We were surprised to find that Captain’s Cove was fancy. They even had table cloths and cloth napkins! They also had live music playing in the bar. Completely outside of our normal habitat, we were grateful to have picked out our best outfits for the experience, even if we still felt a bit underdressed. After learning there would be a wait for our request – an oceanside table for two – we found a place in the bar and ordered the most sophisticated drinks we could think of. Yep, margaritas on the rocks. I remember they came with a couple of hazelnuts floating on top. This place was first-class.

We didn’t know it at the time, but not only were we enjoying a special evening out, we were also on the verge of a life-transforming experience. One that would forge a new path…leading us toward the awesome life that we’ve now since created for ourselves.

The Moment

The margaritas may have been served in small, low-ball cocktail glasses, but they seemed to pack as much punch as the enormous ones at Senor Frogs. They were really good, too. We quickly felt relaxed, very much enjoying the soft “adult” music played by the duo performing in the bar. There were no recent hits or popular songs played. They were all from the past, perfect for their mostly middle-aged patrons.

I don’t remember any specific songs played that evening – other than the Bee Gees hit, How Deep is Your Love. It was this song that became the magic instigator of our special moment.

At the time, of course, it didn’t feel like anything special. It just felt like a very “adult” moment. Kind of like a couple kids pretending to be “grown-up”. There we sat, amidst the crowd of middle-aged couples, feeling like we belonged.

 
Our Love of the Bee Gees

As children born in the late 60’s, we’re both naturally big lovers of 70’s music. And we still love it all, even disco. The Bee Gees scored some pretty big hits in the late 70’s, mostly driven by the success of the “Saturday Night Fever” soundtrack. Their upbeat dance tunes (Stayin’ Alive, Night Fever, Jive Talkin’, More Than a Woman, and You Should be Dancing) were the biggest hits from that album, but both of us have always had a special soft-spot for the one beautiful ballad from the movie, the #1 hit and 1978 Grammy award-winning How Deep is Your Love.

Appreciating this song like we both did as kids probably wasn’t typical. But that’s what makes it special, now, since our appreciation for the song has grown as we have over the years. The experience in Cancun made it even that much more special.

Sadly, the crazy disco backlash in the early 80’s led to the general disappearance of the Bee Gees. They became the butt of everyone’s jokes. I’m sure as a kid I occasionally went along with the “disco sucks” craze, but I never really understood it. Even as I went through a decade-long hard rock/heavy metal phase in my early adulthood, I never stopped loving the Bee Gees.

A Surprise Tour

After the deaths of the Gibb twin brothers (Maurice in 2003 and Robin in 2012), having never seen the Bee Gees in person became one of my biggest concert disappointments. But then, out of the blue, Barry Gibb announced a world tour for 2014.

Michelle and I were ecstatic to have an opportunity to see Barry, knowing his set would be filled with Bee Gees classics. There were only six shows in the U.S., and only one of them was anywhere near us in the midwest. The Chicago show would be the one!

The only problem was that we’d already scheduled a trip to Northern California to celebrate our 20^th anniversary the week of that Chicago show. Time to re-arrange our trip! We were still able to fit everything in — we spent a couple days with family in Sacramento, two amazing days in the Redwood forest, and two fun days in Napa Valley. Then off we flew to Chicago for Barry’s show.

The Concert

We held really high expectations for the concert, which often leads to disappointment. But for this show, the opposite occurred – we were blown away. Barry played 28 different songs in almost three hours…covering the entire history of the Bee Gees. From the early hits (like 1967’s To Love Somebody), to the early 70’s (Lonely Days, How Can You Mend a Broken Heart), to the “Saturday Night Fever” classics, and later hits (like 1989’s One). Barry also played songs they wrote for others, like Islands in the Stream for Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers, Woman in Love for Barbra Streisand, and Immortality for Celine Dion. The entire show was amazing.

But the show was extremely emotional as well. First of all, Barry took the stage to one of the longest and most enthusiastic and genuine standing ovations I’ve ever encountered. You could tell that he was barely able to keep himself together, while almost no one in the crowd did. There were tears everywhere. All night long. Tears of happiness, tears of sadness, and tears of fond memories long since passed.

With both of us being extremely empathic, we could literally feel Barry’s sadness from our nearby spot in the 4^th row. You could also see it in his face. He appeared so grateful to be performing these beautiful songs, yet there was a noticeable heaviness to his performance. No doubt he was missing all his brothers. With Andy’s tragic death almost 30 years earlier, and the death of his two bandmates Maurice and Robin more recently, he was the only remaining Gibb brother. And it showed, especially on the more reflective songs like How Can You Mend a Broken Heart, or when he so beautifully performed Andy’s hit, (Our Love) Don’t Throw it All Away. It all combined to turn this night into one of the most impressive and meaningful concerts we’ve ever experienced.

 
Personally, I had two favorite moments from the evening. The first was Nights on Broadway. This song always reminds me of the many times Michelle and I have “performed” this song at full volume while cruising down the highway. Though neither of us are singers, shortly after meeting we naturally fell into the appropriate harmonies on this song, with me, oddly enough, providing the high notes in my (rather impressive) Bee Gees falsetto. Hearing this song live, and witnessing all the different harmonies come together so beautifully, will only make any of our future “performances” that much more enjoyable.

You can probably guess my other favorite moment from that night. That’s right, it was How Deep is Your Love. Aside from simply being a beautiful love song, this song holds such a special meaning for us. Experiencing it live, and in what I would call “high definition”, I found myself no longer standing on the floor of the United Center.

I was back at the bar in Captain’s Cove, with my lovely young bride, enjoying a “sophisticated” margarita and special moment together.

Reflecting

Back in Cancun, at the ages of 28 and 30, we had no idea that our lives had shifted so dramatically in such a short time. We basically arrived in Cancun as twenty-somethings, and returned home as forty-somethings.

Sitting at Captain’s Cove that night, I think we realized that everything we wanted in life was right there. Just the two of us (no kids), travel to exotic destinations (sometimes on a whim), minimal possessions, enjoying the finer things in life, and appreciating the experience of live music.

While looking back now, this totally makes sense. But it took years for me to understand exactly why that experience was so meaningful. It was the perfect representation of our future together.

Gratitude

Back on the floor of the United Center in 2014, this realization hit me like a ton of bricks. Pausing to acknowledge exactly what we were doing there on that night in Chicago – traveling and enjoying life together, with music as a central theme – it all made sense.

My life, and our life together, was perfect.

Nearly every choice we’ve made in the years following our trip to Cancun has reflected the values we realized together that fateful night.

And what better way to celebrate this life than with the music of the Bee Gees?